On the Top of a Mountain, Breathing Hard...

This post on feedback is a note to myself and is drawn from the 3 coaching practicums, an assessment practice recording and the exit interview and by implication, covers the many areas which I see for further growth and improvement. Here goes...

1. Be mentally prepared for the session in order to be fully present.

   1. Part of mental preparation is to remind ourselves of the role as coaches so that we stay in our lanes. While we may have our own unique coaching DNA or personality, we must hold space for the Coachee to run at his own pace and be his own person. We must make that decision about how we want to show up as coaches every single time.

   2. To do this, slow down and silence racing thoughts before they interfere with how actively you listen.

   3. By so doing, we honour our Coachee, seeking his growth above all else.

2. Establish the “rules” of the conversation from the start.

   1. Even though there might be an existing relationship and a level of trust, it is good to restate at the start of each session the Coachee is in the driver’s seat and he will be the one to decide where he would like to go.

   2. There should be no backseat drivers in coaching - Our part is to sit in the passenger seat and support him in getting to that point. Any invitation from the Coachee for you to take over the wheel should be gracefully declined or it will not be coaching. Stating it is a reminder for ourselves not to take over even if we are itching to do so.

   3. In the same flow, seek agreement about the role and where the focus of the exploration should be. Establishing the relationship reassures the Coachee that this will be a safe space that he will be heard.

3. Key words are keys to open doors to insights.

   1. Active listening helps us recognise key words. We should ask what does the key word mean to the coachee? Why does he feel that way? How does it tie back to the focus.  By so doing, it helps reflect back to the coachee so he can reframe his own thinking.

   2. When we are mindful, we are also careful to help the Coachee clarify the context for himself and not fit what he is saying into our understanding of his context.

   3. As we listen, watch out for the GAPS and the drivers. At which neurological level might he be stuck? What does the Coachee need at that point as a GPS?

4. Keep Questions Short and Simple

   1. The shorter the better - When a question is simple and delivered very intentionally, it can lead to more profound insights. There is no need to explain why we are asking what we are asking.

   2. The word “because” sometimes suggests that what we think about the issue is important and it is not. Substantiation on either part takes away the airtime for Coachee.

   3. Allow for pauses and silences even when they might feel uncomfortable for you – the Coachee is thinking and that is actually a good thing. The last thing you want is to disrupt his thinking by asking more questions.

5. Keeping in the lane

   1. Observe the flow of the coaching conversation. Is there a change in energy level, pitch and tone of voice? We can either ask questions based on that observation or show that we are pacing with them.

   2. Grace is also much needed when a Coachee starts to move off-focus. Reining back thinking is necessary and wisdom as to how far you allow the Coachee to digress is a skill that takes experience and yes, more grace.

   3. Acknowledge the emotions the Coachee has shared, taking care by reflecting and rephrasing.

      1. “I hear what you are saying – what’s missing here? “

      2. Check in when the Coachee thinks is a reasonable timeline for change. Don’t predetermine what it is.

      3. Use scaling questions – “On a scale of 1-10 . what is Now? What would you hope will be the scale of 1- 10 in 3 months (Their timeline)? What needs to happen for that to happen?”

6. Allow the Coachee to close the session

   1. Questions could include

      1. How might you summarise your own learning today?

      2. What is your key takeaway for today?

   2. Thank the Coachee for showing up and acknowledge if there is a milestone which has been reached. This alone is a way of celebrating him but the real celebration must be initiated by him

   3. Ask Coachee to consider and commit to possible next actions for future meetings if action decisions have been made. Don’t force him. It’s not your call.

I began this coaching journey almost a year ago, using the metaphor of climbing a mountain to mark milestones at the start of my learning. At times It has felt like monumental effort - the single step took me on a long path where were so many new concepts to grapple with, my own comfort zones and Audrey the Advice Monster to control and generally life which needed to go on. The toughest was, in fact, the actual practicum and applying everything we learnt in theory to a coaching session with REAL People.

The view from the top is refreshing - It feels good to have finished but it is climbing back down and being the coach that I want to be that will take me to a new range of challenges. I hope never to stop learning.

I count myself extremely blessed and honoured to have journeyed this far in the company of cohort mates (Amy, Chen Siew, Kelvin, Vikram, Jeizan and Venkat) (yes to hanging out in Holland Village, KL and Melbourne). I am grateful for the intensive training I spent being guided by Coach Mel Leow, Coach Wendy Koh, Coach Louise Hyland, Coach Joan Chepkemoi, Coach Sarita Rochwani, Coach Nancy Yang and last but certainly not least Coach Sanjiv Bhatia. All of you have not only taught us principles but modelled for us what a good coach can do in shifting our perspectives. Before we started coaching, we were coached first. Thank you all!

This will be last blog for Catalyst Coaching Certification but not my last ever. (Cue evil laugh!) Till my next reflection whenever, this is Coach Maire signing off. Peace out!