To scale a mountain, one requires both physical and mental strength and grit, or courage to succeed and to build that strength, one needs to train both mind and body in preparation for the ascent. No matter how well-trained one is, the human body must rest in between. In that pause, he considers what could have done better and re-strategize to complete the climb. In that pause is the inspiration as he looks around him to see the perspective he would not have gained if he had not climbed and this gives the strength to push on to the top. So too is the Pause important to the Coach as he gathers mental and physical strength to effectively coach the person before him.
In Episode 5 of the Catalyst Coaching Certification Program, Coach Nancy Yang first led us through a simple centering exercise. Our responses to this exercise reflected our state of busyness which affected us physically and psychologically. Coach Nancy noted that just as we needed to be prepared, it is important for us to prepare our Coachees. Centering is the beginning of that Pause for the Coachee.
ICF stipulates that the 2nd Core Competency is "Embodies a Coaching Mindset" and defines that mindset as one that is "open, curious, flexible and client-centered." This is demonstrated in the following:
Acknowledges that clients are responsible for their own choices
Engages in ongoing learning and development as a coach
Develops an ongoing reflective practice to enhance one’s coaching
Remains aware of and open to the influence of context and culture on self and others
Uses awareness of self and one’s intuition to benefit clients
Develops and maintains the ability to regulate one’s emotions
Mentally and emotionally prepares for sessions
Seeks help from outside sources when necessary
This followed with a in-depth discussion on what the words 'open', 'curious', 'flexible' and 'client-centered' mean and how they would show up in a coaching session and Coach Nancy then elaborated on the 7 Building Blocks of how we might develop that mindset.
These are my takeaways for Episode 5.
According to Wikipedia (which I don't usually quote except that this definition was very clear), "a mindset is an established set of attitudes of a person or group concerning culture, values, philosophy, frame of mind, outlook and disposition. It may also arise from a person's worldview or beliefs about the meaning of life." Mindset is associated with "the ability to influence a person's capacity for perception by functioning like a filter, a frame of reference, a meaning-making system and a pattern of perception". It is able to shape one's capacity for development and is also believed to influence a person's behaviour, having deliberative or implemented action phases" In short, Proverbs 23:7 says "As a man thinks in his heart, so is he."
The 7 Building Blocks & the 8 points in the ICF Core Competency are not therefore not a list of actions to be performed, a to-do list of sorts. Instead they are to be the Coach's set of beliefs and attitudes so deeply ingrained that it shows up in their behaviour and regard for other people including their Coachees. (Fine difference but a difference no less) Reflecting upon this is a much needed Pause.
Point 1 - (Client-Centred) While I may empathise fully, I will not know exactly what my Coachee is experiencing and what motivates change for her - she may come from a different socio-economic background, be from a different culture altogether and have unique lived experiences (traumas and joys) that may have shaped her and therefore I can never say "Yes, that happened to me too" nor "I know how you feel" and most certainly, "This is what I think you should do". My role is to partner with her for her growth and my advice and coaching should never override her autonomy even if my experiences may be similar. It is her life and she must make her own decisions.
Point 4 - (Open, Curious, Client-Centred) If I respect my Coachee and seek only her good, I cannot assume nor take things for granted but instead be curious about the context and culture she exists (not nosey curiosity) to understand her motivations and see where her beliefs may be hindering her progress. How is my culture and context different? How are my motivations different? This will enable me to ask politically correct thoughtprovoking questions which show my openness and also keep her mind open. Getting culture and context wrong especially when we are in cross cultural environments could put the coaching relationship on the wrong footing.
Point 2 -Similarly, if I have chosen a particular niche to coach e.g. young women who are working in male-dominated industries and are introverts, I must be curious about introversion and perhaps trends taking place in that industry for women that is, women around the age of 19 - 35 working in engineering, computing etc. how much do I really know? It may just be finding out what are the current trends affecting their particular generation whether a Boomer, Millennial or Gen Z. Beyond equipping myself with the latest developments in coaching and the wide range of tools to explore, my learning and development is to connect with the whole person and gain a deeper understanding of the people I choose to coach. Continuous learning and development is to acknowledge that I do not know it all because human beings are complex and evolving all the time.
Points 5 & 6 - (Open, Flexible) Human complexity is seen when we acknowledge that we have emotions and intuitions, two intangible senses which sometimes cannot be explained and a discussion of the difference between the 2 would take up a longer blog. Not acknowledging emotions and not learning to regulate them can lead to us being easily triggered and we might not know why. Similarly our intuitions or gut feel are sensorial, this sense of inexplicable knowing that goes beyond the rational. It is very important therefore to acquaint ourselves with these senses because emotions can help us deepen our empathy for our Coachee and intuition guides us to make connections and offer possibilities. Reflection builds our self awareness of the limitations and strengths within ourselves.
Points 3, 7 & 8 - (Open, Flexible, Client- centred)Our reflection or reflective practice may sometimes reveal that we might be wrong about our gut feelings and our emotions. We must be flexible enough to accept that this may not be aligned with the Coachee's own path and change direction or strategy. We should also not be afraid of seeking for help from other peer mentors, professionals and professional bodies. This is part of our mental and emotional preparation and not a show of weakness or lack.
I feel that to be a Coach, you really need immense Humility. It necessarily prevents us from thinking that we can know it all and therefore stay open to discovery of the wonder that is in each person we coach.
Being open, curious, and flexible are the qualities I need to demonstrate to my Coachee. If I am not open, she might not be open. If I am not curious and probe deeper and find out more, she may stay on the surface and not do the deeper work and if I am not flexible, she may remain fixed in her ways and unwilling to change. The mirror effect is important because it sets the tone of our relationship and creates a safe space for trust.
As Coach Mel says in the Notes "The shift of the Coach’s mindset will only happen when we first seek to discover our deeper meaning, behind Why we want to BE a Coach. This is where magic begins!"
I find myself returning to the DO Mode - get things ready, make arrangements, prepare physically etc, what practical steps do I need - ah, yes, centering exercise. Next, ask how they did re:homework given, Yes, listen. Yes, clarify. In this sense, I am present and yet not present. This is a default 'busy' way of working which I know I have to unlearn. I can be busy doing the preparation but in the session face-to-face, I must be relaxed and I believe if I am steeped in what I know and continuous practice, like muscle memory I will have the confidence to let go and free-fall a little with my Coachee (OK, one too many metaphors)
This is Coach Maire, signing off.
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