When I told my 93 year old father that I was going to be a Coach, this is what he thought.
(Image: a woman going 'Whut, Dad?"
Even amongst my most savvy friends in the corporate world, I could see eyes glazing over when I mentioned the word "Coach" and I don't blame them because the lines between Coach, Mentor and Counsellor are somewhat blurred even to those who are already in Coachsphere. How is Coaching different?
In Episode 2 of our Catalyst Coaching Certification aka Coaching 101, Coach Sanjiv tackled this critical issue by first running an exercise where Vikram was literally bombarded by suggestions as to what he should do to activate his BHAG (Big, Hairy, Audacious Goal). This left Vikram confused and slightly annoyed to be receiving advice from people who did not know him nor his project. At the end of the session, a second exercise was run, this time with Ahmad receiving questions from the cohort mates about his BHAG. He was, as Coach Sanjiv pointed out, visibly gratified. Advice - 0, Question - 1. Questions win!
This was reiterated in this figure - I learnt that a Coach asks questions and elicits responses which are future-centric and solutions-focused.
In their article "Everyone Needs a Coach", Barry O'Reilly and Kate Leto pointed out that there is widespread confusion about the evolving roles of Coach, Mentor and Consultant
O'Reilly and Leto say "Good coaching provides actionable insight and opportunity for growth based on specific areas you [the coachee] wish to improve; be it better decision-making, problem-solving or conflict management and negotiation. Its purpose must be clear and the success criteria are set, But not by a coach, by you [meaning the coachee]
Whereas a mentor teaches, using his experiences and knowledge of industry-related challenges and a consultant provides recommendations based upon market trends, research and other inputs and is expected to execute the changes within an organisation, a coach facilitates to help his coachee ask better questions and find his own answers. Coach Sanjiv emphasised that when we don't give space for the coachee to find his own answers, we implicitly believe that he cannot or that our experience and advice may be superior to his. This is not honouring and the key principle is that we must see our Coachee as Creative, Resourceful and Whole.
Coach Sanjiv introduced us to Dr Marcia Reynolds, who I would like to be when I grow up. Dr Reynolds was the 5th Global Chair of the International Coaching Federation and one of the first 25 people to be awarded recognition as a Master Certified Coach. In an interview with Robbie Swale, Dr Reynolds talks about the Coach's role being to ASK, to CLARIFY and to CHALLENGE. Before and while we ask, we need to LISTEN INTENTIONALLY, centering our focus on the Coachee, devoid of judgement unless criminal intent is present. This allows us to CLARIFY with the Coachee, holding up the mirror at this point for the Coachee to understand the meaning in his own words and thoughts. It requires us to DISCERN INTUITIVELY to be able to sift through the cloud of issues to identify the primary issue which may be blocking the Coachee's way forward. This leads us to be able to CHALLENGE the Coachee's thinking and once we recognise that some progress has been made, we AFFIRM the Coachee.
These are my Takeaways.
First, Confusion about the role and practice of a Coach may stem from our own past personal experiences where we have had to function as mentors and coaches and counsellors and so distinctions are not so clear in our mind. As PROFESSIONAL COACHES, we may need to unlearn these natural habits of mind. I may be a mentor and care as a counsellor but when I coach, I must become very clear that I am a FACILITATOR of my Coachee's thinking process and to guard that role carefully at all times. I am here to give him the space and time to work out for himself what he needs.
Second, I have always thought that Clarifying was so that I was clearer about what I had heard my Coachee say and that I was showing him I was listening. Now I wonder how many times I had been listening with the intent of responding with advice instead. Can I learn to help my Coachee have Clarity by reflecting to him what his words might indicate and clarifying for him to think deeper. Once again, his process and progress must be my objective.
Third, I must admit I am wary of the phrase 'challenge thinking' because it sounds highly confrontational and aggressive. However, Dr Reynolds says "When coaching, challenging a client’s thinking means to offer a concise summary or paraphrase of what they said with an invitation to choose their focus or direction. Challenging can quickly clarify how they see their problems or unmet needs, can jolt them into facing beliefs and fears they alluded to while explaining their predicament, and identify the choice they must make if they want to move forward. You might ask the question they have resisted asking themselves. You are firm and concise, but deliver your reflections and questions with compassion and commitment to their development. You don't challenge because you are irritated. You challenge because you care."
Challenging someone's thinking done right does not put the person down when there is "compassion and commitment to their development". Trust must be built so that both understand that there is no bad intent. Challenging thinking without first hearing them out is like trying to speed up the thinking process by grabbing a butterfly out of its chrysalis before it is fully able. I am told all you get is a gooey unformed mess.
I saw "Challenge" in action when Coach Sanjiv reflected back to the cohort that some of the words we used could indicate perhaps less that positive views of our Coachees - that they might not be creative and resourceful enough to come up with their own solutions, and they need to be fixed. This was a major AHA moment.
This leads me to my final takeaway. What then is my RELATIONSHIP and RESPONSIBILITY in a PROFESSIONAL Coaching role?
If I see the need to advise and direct more than guide, perhaps it exposes an underlying belief that there is something wrong with my Coachee.I will become part of the problem when I unconsciously perpetuate the misconception that you only need a coach when something is wrong with you. O'Reilly and Leto reported in 2018 that as a result of misconceptions of what coaches do, two-thirds of top executives outside the leading edge innovators do not have a coach and they miss out on a chance to leap ahead and be high performers.
I find this incredibly liberating that I am here for the process of facilitating the Coachee's growth rather than being a solution-provider (which is a bit like a hamster on a wheel needing to generate ideas for him). I am also not in charge of his daycare and done right, I would have helped him grow in how he thinks so that he can apply it to any other situation he may face in the future. My Coachee can do that and he will.
Sorting out and coming up with clearer distinctions about my role as a professional coach will lead to my success and this will take time as there are loads to unpack. Meanwhile let me chain up my Annie, my Advice Monster and go bounce a few balls.
Coach Maire, signing off.
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