As we reach the final Episode of the series, Catalyst Coaching Certificate Programme, we are at the pinnacle of achieving the completion of the webtutorials (Just 3 more sessions of mentor coaching, an interview and the final report before we are truly over). What's the view from this High Point?
Coach Mel congratulated us on coming so far on our journey but wisely advised it was not an end but a new beginning of discovering for ourselves who we were as coaches. After close to 20 years since he first started, he is still learning. There will always be things to unlearn, learn and relearn as we interact with other coaches. It is important to develop a mindset of growth, not fearing to make mistakes and all the time, staying humble.
Coach Nancy Yang asked if we could recall a time where we hustled ie to move or cause to move energetically or busily in order to achieve a goal. What was drawn from all the answers given by the Cohort members was this common identifiers in Hustle Time
the perceived difficulties of the task
the challenge of not yet having the skills
the willingness to try and fail
the need to persist in order to succeed. "You are not stuck till you stop"
the growth that comes from daring to dream and to do.
Coach Nancy shared her experiences starting out as a Coach and her anxieties in putting herself out there, anxieties that all Coaches will experience at the beginning.
The 5 Cycle of False Starts
Self Saboteurs
According to Shirzad Charmine, one of the leading contributors to the field of positive intelligence, there are 10 kinds of self saboteurs who could prevent us from moving forward. "Chamine (2012) describes saboteurs as being habitual mind patterns, reacting to challenges and generating negative emotions. You flounder rather than flourish. You may experience stress, disappointment, regret, anger, guilt, shame, and worry. The antagonist to the saboteurs is the sage" For more information and how to quiet your self-saboteurs and nurture the sage, read these 2 https://positivepsychology.com/positive-intelligence/#10-types-of-internal-saboteurs
https://www.positiveintelligence.com/saboteurs/
Tomorrow - Procrastination
Before we burst into the song from Annie the Musical, (there, I've just inserted an ear worm) the issue of procrastination or putting off to tomorrow what could be done today is a little more deep seated than just being bad planners, being lazy or having inertia. We tend to put things off till tomorrow and while it might stem from a lack of confidence, medical research is finding links between procrastination and ADHD, Depression and even trauma response. To find out more about dealing with Procrastination https://positivepsychology.com/how-to-stop-procrastinating/
Self-Doubt -Apologizing For Not Being Good Enough
Self-doubt assumes that a person possesses the knowledge, skills and experience needed for a function. However, he perceives that these are not up to an acceptable standard to perform well. It often comes with Perfectionism which carries a double-edge - the same drive to excellence that urges him to attain a high standard of growth is the same force that limits his growth. For remedies on Self-Doubt, https://www.betterup.com/blog/overcoming-self-doubt
Uncertainty
Coach Nancy shared that this was one of the biggest hurdles she had to cross. She says "Motivation might be something that gets you started, but it won't get you to the end if you don't have the guts to work with the uncertainty. Because when the first wave of hardship and difficulty happens and these questions surely have come to my mind in my journey of Hustling for the past three years, that when I sit down in my studio, in my work office, in my home office table, starting to prepare for the social media post for the coming week... If I could share you with the truth- to do that every single time, I was asking, am I working on the same thing? I'm just week after week, day after day. I'm investing so much time, energy on writing the posts and not seeing so much engagement that I wish to see. Then I'm starting questioning myself, am I working on the same thing? Is my niche right? Is this a platform good for me. It's my target audience, the right one. Or am I even wasting my time?" It takes humility and courage to admit that one does not and cannot know what the outcomes are. For this reason, coaches quit after 3-5 years. Christine Carter, PHd, shares 7 Strategies to Help You Live with Uncertainty here.
Scapegoating
The concept of a scape goat came about from an ancient Jewish ritual where a priest would symbolically lay all wrongdoing and sins on a goat which would then be cast into the wilderness and the people would be 'cleansed' from blame. It is human nature to assign blame on things we might not have done or might not have done well. (My dog ate my homework is my favourite). There are a number of faulty thoughts which play a part in hindering ourselves. First, if the conditions or factors in the environment ie the economy, the niche, the social political climate in a country are to blame, when will there ever be the perfect environment to thrive? If we could not find the right support, when will we find the right support and how wisely have we chosen who we partner with? It boils down to the fact that when we scapegoat, we take far less responsibility for success and downplay the work we have done. We simply need to take responsibility for keeping our own dreams alive and our doings in order.
Reflections
I personally don't like the word Hustle because I have lived too long with the word having negative connotations (See Merriam Webster) but I will live with it meaning hard work.
Doing the Hustle reminds me of growing up, watching Saturday Night Fever in 1977 where everyone, and I mean everyone, learnt this disco line dance called The Hustle (Here I will click on my dentures and roll back and forth on my rocking chair). What did I learn from doing the Hustle then?
When you first start, you will always feel like you were born with 2 left feet. You will tell yourself you can't dance at all and make up all the excuses why you wont. (Self sabotage, much?)
You will postpone going to a dance because you are afraid of looking bad and not being in sync with everyone else. Even worse what if I step on someone's toes or kick someone accidentally? (Another time perhaps? Don't have the right dress or havent bought my platform shoes! Maybe practice harder?)
Maybe no one wants to dance with me? Maybe I dance behind where no one can see me? What if that ugly pimply boy asks me to dance instead Arrgh! (Uncertainty certainly rules)
I had a bad teacher/ lousy partner/ the music was badly chosen/ the mirror ball blinded me/ they spiked the drinks etc etc. (Blame something or someone else.)
I no longer am the freshfaced teenager learning how to dance the Hustle but in this Hustle of starting as a coach, I realise many things stay with us and these are habits of mind. What I needed to do was to go in and enjoy myself, and go with the flow. With time, more practice and friends who would always invite me to their dance parties at home, I did not embarass myself and got better at it as long as I did not expect to win prizes.
Where I am sitting now is on the edge of launching my coaching consultancy Strengths For LYF in September. I have launched one part of it which has to do with Grief Recovery (www.valley2light.com) and I must say that it is hard to keep pushing when it is new territory. I had expected it not to be easy but was quite discouraged when one of my close friends suggested that I might be better off offering companion services to elderly with dementia.
The 5 False Starts were a good reminder that everyone will face this phase as we begin the coaching business. It is part and parcel of being a coach. Coach Nancy's honest sharing and the sharing of my cohort mates encouraged me greatly.
In doing the blog, I did the research to how to deal with the false starts. I noticed that they corresponded somewhat to the lessons about Neurological Levels and CBT and there were positive actions I could take moving forward. Discovering connections strengthens the learning and it's all connected in some way
The most valuable is the advice not to be too hard on ourselves, to allow time for ourselves to grow further and to safeguard our thoughts from spending too much energy worrying about things we can't control but focusing on the things we can. Simply, start from wherever I can.
Entrepreneurship is the business part of coaching and it is not for wimps. You may be really good at being present, listening actively and all the things that make you a wonderful coach but if no one know about you, you can hope long long for coachees. Get stronger and stay strong, Mary!
Final Takeaway
This is my last webtutorial blog but certainly not my last blog. Though I have grumbled throughout, I know that doing the blogs has helped me clarify ideas and put whatever I have learnt into terms I can remember. Doing the reflections was powerful as I sought to go deeper and doing the blogs has coached me in many ways. I know they were a mite long heheh.
I know I will come back to the webtutorials from time to time to uncover fresh perspectives. There are so many topics I want to explore in further depth to equip myself to being a more intuitive coach who is able to support the Coachee as he deserves. But first, I need to attend to getting myself out there as a coach and already I have encountered many of the issues that Coach Nancy has faced. What got me to this point was perhaps finding the meaning and purpose in what I am learning to do. What will get me to the next point will be reminding myself of the same.
Every step we take can be a challenge to climb rough terrain and cliffs, clearing obstacle blocks or a step onto the dance floor in a joyful invitation to see where each step will take us. It's all groovy!
So I choose.
Let's dance!
Coach Maire, Peace out! Disco never dies!
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