20. Developing AWARENESS: FILTERS & STYLES
- Mary Chieu-Kwuan Loh
- Jul 22, 2024
- 6 min read
"For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known." - 1 Cor 13:12 (NKJV)
One of my favourite parables is the story of five blind men encountering an elephant for the first time. The one who touched its tail declared that an elephant was a rope and wanted to bring the rope home for his use. The second who touched its side said it was a solid wall while the third who held on to its large feet said that it was a tree trunk which reminded him he needed the gardener to prune some trees at home. The fourth blind man jumped back in horror because he had touched the long waving trunk of the elephant - he thought the elephant was a snake while the fifth blind man who held the elephant's ear disagreed with all the others - the elephant was a large leathery fan. The moral of the story is "Do not bring blind men to a petting zoo."
I am, of course, completely joking. The parable however illustrates that to a great extent, we may be limited in our vision because our experiences can differ from the experiences of others. Our perceptions no matter how well intended can influence our actions and behaviour and cause us to make errors in judgement if we are not careful.
In Episode 20: Developing Awareness: Filters and Styles, Coach Mel led us through a interesting activity where we were to respond to a series of photos. Each of us came up with different impressions. What was noteworthy was that when he placed the photos which were disparate and in no way connected to each other on the same page, our initial responses also changed as we attempted to process the photos as part of a larger picture. Also, no two responses were similar as we came up with very different narratives with the same set of photographs. This demonstrated that each of us process things differently and as different information is added, it is possible that our perceptions also change. It is important for coaches to realise that we each see the world, people and situations through different lenses and we cannot assume that our Coachees share the same filters and lenses that we have. It is all subjective.
The notion of Subjectivity is one of 3 components of Neurolinguistic Programming, the other two being consciousness and learning. According to Bandler and Grinder, the founders of Neurolinguistic Programming, humans experience the world subjectively and create versions of their own reality or internal representations of their experiences. These are driven by our 5 senses and language and again has to do with how our amazing brains work. We have been told that in one second, our brains can process 11 million bits of information coming hard and fast through our senses and perceptions. However, our conscious minds can only handle 40 to 50 bits in a second. What happens to the rest of the 10,999,950 bits?
DELETE | DISTORT | GENERALISE
Bandler and Grinder created the NLP Meta Model, a linguistic tool to show how we interact it the world. It helps us understand what individuals really mean with their communucation rather than what we believe they are saying. Under this Meta Model, there are 3 processes - Delete | Distort | Generalise.
Deletion - Much of the 10,999,950 bits gets deleted. Deletions may be conscious or unconscious but they become automatic unless there is a disruption in thinking and what might have been unimportant is marked to be important. For example, I would not need to remember what was the colour of Lee Hsien Loong's shirt during the National Day Rally last year. Mr Brain decides that it is Too Much Information and junks it altogether.
Distortion - Bandler and Grinder suggests that information is adapted, reframed and may be changed so drastically that it may no longer resemble the original facts. As NLP World notes "With distortion, you bring information in through your senses and then you play around with it in your mind so that you create new understandings, ideas, and concepts.
Examples of distortion are different ways that an individual can think about the world such as spirituality, ideology, philosophy, religion, the creation of new inventions, having fantasies about a lover, the creation of fiction and the production of movies." The reasons given for this distortion is so that the human mind might accomodate new information or modify pre-existing beliefs.
Generalisation - Generalisations are a learning tool to help us navigate new experiences. An example of generalisation is that all coffee is bitter tasting. My response would be to expect that bitterness and acquire a taste for bitter black hot liquid or remedy it with milk and sugar. Through generalisation, we learn to read and respond to situations. However, over generalisation may lead to errors of judgement
Again, Coaches who have a deep awareness of how they tend to delete, distort and generalise would be more cautious knowing that their unconscious biases may result in inaccurate interpretations of what their Coachees are saying. They would give great attention and be more intentional in the way they excavate meaning for the Coachee rather than fall into error.
How then should one communicate effectively with your Coachee? If each person's reality is shaped through the realm of the senses, it may be useful to understand which senses have been predominantly used. This is where the VAKAD system comes in.
VAKAd LEARNING STYLES
We did a simple test which assessed our primary learning styles and these fell into one of 4 categories of learning styles - Visual, Auditory, Kinesthetic and Auditory Digital.
Once again, we were reminded that each of us learnt and appropriated our understanding of the world differently. By listening in for clues eg the words that our Coachees frequently use, we can adapt and tune in to the same wavelength or frequency to better collaborate with them to create new understanding and knowledge.
Final Reflections
In an argument between 2 friends recently, Anne (not her real name) hotly protested "But this is a FACT and you are wrong! This is The TRUTH" to which John (also not his real name) replied, "It's only True for you because you see the world through your own colored lenses".
We do live in a DEI world which invites all kind of interpretations and deems them all valid. There are feminist re-readings of classic books where Julius Caesar was a woman, political and social revisions to historical facts and even religious texts are given a rewrite to make them 'relevant'. Objective reality aside from the laws of physics doesn't exist and even then quantum physics is challenging that. Concepts like facts and truth are no longer absolute while what is important is Perception and Perception is Reality. This is evident when fragile changeable ephemeral emotions are counted as part of big data driving change.
We therefore need to study Perceptions more closely - how do they originate? Where do these Perceptions change? - and incorporate that into our coaching. While a Coachee is Creative, Whole and Resourceful. the Coach needs to help him understand how his Perceptions may sometimes limit his attempts at self-transformation. Conversely, rebuilding Perceptions may set someone free to fly. This needs to be done from a standpoint of learning together, exploring together because we are all journeying towards a destination together.
I found the webtutorial highly valuable as I have always thought my level of self-awareness was already quite high. Already from the start, I found myself flustered because I received notice that we were to do the VAKAd test only an hour before the tutorial. In attempting to do the test during the class I had to mute everyone in order to concentrate and was kinda crabby because I don't entirely like sponteneity and believe homework should be handed out systematically. Yep, combination of Auditory Digital and Auditory. Does that make sense? D'ya hear me?
My realisation is that I am continuing to evolve as I become more exposed to new ideas and new people and that at this point, "I know in part and I am known in part". I cannot know everything because Mr Brain prevents me safe from overload but because Mr Brain sometimes deletes and distorts and generalises, my reality is not like everyone's. I do not entirely know myself and there is a limit in which I can know my Coachee but I can keep learning to connect. This keeps me humble and open.
Coach Maire, signing off once again. Peace, out!
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